Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Let myself explain myself

Okay.  So I kind of alluded to the idea that I had some type of freak out yesterday.  Did you see that post I quickly put up mid-way through my freak out?  Yeah, I guess we all had them.

And I sure had mine.  It stinks being the first day and all and here is me, the Momma, freaking out.  Not a good day.  Thank God for His forgiveness and that today is another day to start again.

Freak out.
Freak out.
Freak out.

I started yesterday with 'my schedule' of the day.  What I wanted to accomplish.  But as we all know, our plans are not always His plans.  Boy do I have a hard time adjusting and being flexible.   

One thing I noticed is how much my kids play TOGETHER!  I mean, really play together.  Usually it all 6 of them playing dress up or a play or blocks or cars or riding bikes or just using their imaginations.  To my deilght, they involve all, even to my littlest making him some type of character and an integral part of their playing.  Most of the time, if you are looking for one child, they will inevitably be with the rest or at least the rest will surely know where that one hid or ran to.  This is a big pleaser to me, as you can imagine.  I love to see them all play together.

But what I did NOT anticipate was that when we started school, as we did yesterday, that my 2 litttle ones were completely lost.  Totally and completely LOST without their big siblings!  They did not know what to play or how to play together.  They wanted their big sisters and big brothers to play with.   Period.  The interruptions ran into about 25 times for the morning.  Eggs were broken.  Books were torn up.  Big wooden blocks were thrown.  Brusises were born.  Tears were shed.  Lots of tears.   

Trying to go over school stuff, introducing them to their new subjects and books for the year and even teach a thing or 2, was close to impossible.

So I freaked out.

And the kids knew it.  They felt it.  Their looks and reactions told me "Stay away from Mom today".

Do you blame me?

You don't need to but it'd make me feel much much better...I am feeling quite horrible about yesterday.

So today, I declare, will be different.

Today will be School day #2 but way different.

For instance, yesterday I was all dressed and revved up ready to go at this time.  And today, I am not yet out of my pajamas.

Yesterday I had all my kids geared up and focused on their chores, getting them done before 8am.  And today, I am letting them play a little longer before chores.

Yesterday, we tried hard to stay within our time frame for certain subjects; potty breaks and water breaks at certain times; recess and snacks under the pretense of staying focus to get back into the subject we just left off of.  And today, we are going to the library for our first Book Club meeting.

There is stress with homeschooling.  There is doubt. 

But there is hope.  

JOHN 15:4-5

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."

Lord, help me.

God bless,


Jo Flemings said...

Well, if its any consolation- freak out moments seem to slip and slop out in a variety of areas. I am trying to do the novena to Mary Most Sorrowful as a personal penance over my latest- it was pretty ugly. Don't be too hard on yourself- not to far away is someone else acting far worse with much less excuse!

Maurisa said...

I think freak outs are very common the first day of school, especially for us perfectionistic type homeschool moms. I had one too, but not until after school. Homeschooling itself went fairly smoothly, but the rest of the day was a mess--way too much whining, bickering, and fighting for my peace of mind.

Hang in there, mama! We are all in the same boat. Thank our most merciful Lord we get do overs most every day!

Mary said...

Thanks Ladies!
I did, indeed, have a much better day yesterday.
We all have those days/weeks etc...but there is still no excuse... we need to keep plugging away at this holiness!!! I will pray for you both too. THanks for praying for me, it means so much to me.

God bless, Mary @ CHeerios