Last week, I went to confession.
Surprise, I know....right?!? (heee heeee)
What the priest told me during confession has stayed with me and I keep returning to it during some quiet prayer time in the mornings. He said "Embrace your cross, don't run from it." Nothing too profound. Certainly nothing that I have not heard before. But that is precisely that I have been doing-running from it. I have been trying to rationalize that if only I had more alone time I could pray more. If only my prayer time was uninterrupted, I could concentrate on what God needs to say to me. If only I could wake up earlier than the children, I could start my day better with prayers and coffee...alone. If only the kids were not fighting as much, I could feel the love of Jesus more.
If... If.... If...
While these are all legit and true, they are not me, not right now. I responded to these If questions with anxiety and upsetness that it was not the way it should be.
But truly, it is what it is.
This is my cross. We all have them. These crosses are the step ladders to heaven. To holiness. They are constant reminders that Jesus said to pick up our crosses and follow Him. HE knows the perfect cross for us and this is it.
He is reminding me and calling me to find HIM in the dirty dishes, in the crying children, in the chaos and loudness. My perfect idea of a quiet peaceful home is at a distant wish, for now at least. These are the moments that my Lord is waiting for me, to be close to me. To me! Everytime I can look past the feelings of the moment and try really hard to see Jesus, that is where I will find my peace. That is the peace that is being reserved for me now. Amongst all the chaos, Peace is there. Amongst all the loudness, Peace is there. These are my opportunities to grow in grace and to find my Lord, my Peace.
Dear Lord, forgive me from running from my cross, my path to holiness, my path to Heaven. Help me to find You in my daily efforts today. Help me to find You, my Peace, in all that I encounter today. I love You. Amen.