I'm not sure how this post is going to flow, or not to flow. I have had a lot on my mind lately and I wanted to just post at least something to say hi and let you know that the little baby is doing fine.
He or she is growing so much lately...how do I know, do you ask? B/c I am simply exhausted. Totally. Of course I have never had 6 other young kids while being in the first trimester before, which I answer to my own personal questions of why am I feeling so sick and yucky and wiped out constantly. It hits me late morning with this morning/day sickness than it lasts all day long, even as I fall asleep and does not disappear till I wake in the morning. For that short few morning hours, I rush around and get at least a load of laundry in, take out some frozen meat to defrost in hopes of making something for dinner that I will not gag over and squeeze in a little more school work so that we can say we are done for the summer, or at least a few weeks to a month before starting up again.
In those hours, my children are all about me, esp. my 'baby' who is almost 21 months. He is going through some major attachment to mommy lately. As much as I love it (who cannot adore a cutie pie who adores you?!), it does become a bit annoying at times. Carrying him around b/c he wants me to and giving him all loads of attention b/c he wants me to, drains me and I can see it does become a bit frustrating for the rest of the gang too. But nonetheless, they learn to deal with it b/c they have no other choice. My other kids are good eggs, most of the time. They know Momma needs to be with the littles and as long as I give them some attention and praise for their good actions and words, that seems to fill up their 'love tank'. And I thank God for that. It seems to work okay so far.
This is life and I hope I do not come off as unthankful. In contrast, I am truly thankful for this gift with all its' issues that go along with it. I keep thinking that at the end of this trimester, it will be different. At the end of this whole pregnancy, a little wee one will be in my arms. For knowing that, I can continue on this journey as long as God wills it.
It's those other mommas that lately have shared with me that they cannot have any more or that they are trying but cannot conceive. It's those mommas that my heart tears for. Why me? I wonder. Why does God spoil us by giving us another baby and those other mommas have one or two or even three, and so far, that seems it. I do feel somewhat uncomfortable and feel that I make them uncomfortable at times. I don't quite know what to say. I have never suffered a miscarriage. I have never had a hard time becoming pregnant. I have never experienced a child undergoing anything severely medical or even had a child die. Yes, I have had hard times and hard days/weeks/months but they pale in comparison with what the crosses are that these other moms have to endure. These crosses we all have, that is for sure. But I will never understand what these mommas have gone through. All I can offer is my prayers for them. It is not much but that is all I have to give.
I am thankful for our new growing baby inside me. I have a little belly and it has popped out already and people eye it and look at me inquisitively. I am proud of it and hopeful that it will inspire a culture of life around us.