It was (is) my husband's birthday. Happy Birthday to you! I am so happy to be a part of your life and so thankful that God blessed me with you and the fruit of our love....our 8 beautiful children. You truly are my helper, my true companion on this journey of life heading for our final destination. Your life blesses me and I thank God for that. Happy Birthday!
It is also my oldest sons' Baptism day...11 yrs ago! Happy Baptism day!!!
Lastly, this morning, we added yet another memorable experience....
We buried Therese's remains.
It was harder than I thought it would be. You see, I had hoped with all my heart that I could go through this miscarriage naturally, not needing a D&C, unless I absolutely needed one. God granted me this prayer request and I did naturally. It was much more than just a 'bad period' as some say. Way more. In fact, these past 3 weeks have been very tough on me emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I was a wreck thinking of how and where I would put my baby's remains and what to do with them. It really concerned me and upset me. I thought about going to a Michael's store and buy a sweet little box that we could decorate somehow, to make it very personal to our family. I had visions of my children all helping out and making it a family affair. But, I thought time was not on my side. I hate to say that. How could I NOT make time for this important ordeal? I realized afterwards that time was not really the issue, it was more about investing even more of me and more of my kids, more of my heart into this child that was mine for 10 weeks. I was so sore, physically but my heart was what ached and is aching even more. I ache to hold my child more. I asked God "why?" and sure, I was a bit upset at God. But thankfully, that did not last long. I have some days when life just unravels and then I think of Therese or see something that would remind me of her and the tears would drop a little here and a little there, sometimes even turning into a flowing river! This grief is not over, it is better, but not over yet.
About 2 days before I had the actual miscarriage-the major part of it- in one day and has continued to linger on, it occurred to me that I have had this most beautiful box that was engraved with gold flowers and vines on the top.
It reminds me of Psalm 128:3:
"Your wife should be like a fruitful vine within your house,
your children like olive plants around your table."
It could be considered a sweet keepsake box. It is red velvet inside and made of the best solid wood. That would be it! I was so relieved to know that I already had this tiny little coffin already in my own room, in my drawers, for the past 3 or 4 years. Could it be that God has this all planned? That is my belief. He knew way before I did that that teeny tiny box would be something special. In fact, it was given to me and I did not know what to use it for so I put in these really tiny saint statues in it so that they would be secure and not break. Little did I know that our sweet teeny tiny Therese would be our real live Saint in there now.
The wonderful priest said some beautiful prayers as I held out the box near my husband and our children huddled around us. I did not show or tell the children that this box carried their baby sister's remains until afterward. I thought it to be too much of a distraction with so many questions and maybe that was not the right thing to do but I thought so at the time. I was so caught up in holding my child for the last time, that at the time that I had to hand over this tiny wooden coffin to Father, that it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do...to really let go of my baby. My eyes filled up with tears. My husband noticed my pain, my sorrow...some of my children did as well.
It was closure. It was over. It is finished.
Our little Saint Therese Avila, pray for your family here on earth to be holy and get to Heaven to finally meet you, God, Mary and all our patron Saints and Guardian Angels. We love you!